six months later:
I can’t sleep worth shit tonight. I have school in the morning and it’s after midnight. Guess that’s what I get for sleeping all damn afternoon- not to mention Joseph making my belly all big and uncomfortable. Six, about ready to go on seven months but I still look cute. I’d kill to still be able to sleep on my stomach though. Let me just be grateful that I’m still able to sleep in the first place. I rolled over onto my left side from my back and snuggled into my blanket. I just can’t believe how fast these six months have gone by. So much has happened.. Gabbi moved all her furniture into storage and moved in with us. I actually really like her. Not to mention I love how happy she makes my dad. That’s what really matters. On a not so high note, Drew and Rodney got locked up. My dad won’t really tell me why though.. It must be serious. It’s been pretty quiet around here though. It’s different, but I guess it’s better for Joseph that it’s nice and calm. I don’t want him growing up in a hectic household. My dad even got out the game- for good. That makes me feel so much better, and safer. I know he went through a lot, but he did it some how.
I hate nights like this where I can’t sleep and I just lay here and think. I’m surprised Khelo hasn’t called yet. He usually calls me every night. These past six months with him have been really great. He probably just fell asleep or something. I mean it’s probably good that I actually try and get some rest and not stay up on the phone all night. Right? … It’d still be nice to hear his voice though.
When I woke up, I was still tired. I didn’t want to get out of bed let alone be awake. School was gonna take forever. I checked my phone and I still didn’t have any message or calls from Khelo so I decided to call him myself.
“You still picking me up?”
“Yeah. I gotta go, see you soon.”
He hung up and I starred at the phone confused. I shrugged it off and got out of bed to get ready.
About an hour later, I was decent enough to go outside. It was just one of those days where nothing looked good on me. I was sitting in my kitchen and heard Khelo beep his horn. I rolled my eyes and grabbed my bag. It was pretty windy outside so I did my best to run to the car. When I got in he was quiet. He seemed a little out of it. I mean, did I do something? He’s never acted like this. I leaned over for a kiss but he ignored it.
“Well good morning to you, too.”
It shocked me, it didn’t even phase him..
“Are you mad at me?”
“No..” He sighed.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“Well talk to me. What’s wrong? You didn’t call me last night, you didn’t want to talk this morning and now you won’t even kiss me?”
“Obviously it’s not. Look just pull the car over, I’ll walk the rest of the way.”
“You’re not walking.”
“Well I want out of the car. Pull over”
He didn’t say anything after that, he just kept driving. When he parked I got out of the car and sped off as fast as my belly would let me.
I ignored him and kept walking. He didn’t want to talk then, well I don’t want to talk now. I don’t need all this right now. I really can do without this stress. I was so caught up in my thoughts I didn’t realize he had caught up with me. He grabbed onto my arm.
“Leave me alone right now.”
“No. Look, I’m sorry.”
“Whatever.” I pulled my arm away from him and kept walking into the school.
After my first class, I felt a little better talking to Belle. She was just as confused as I was. I rolled my eyes when I saw him waiting by my locker. I turned around to walk the other way but he ran after me again.
“Lizzy, stop running from me.”
“Look, I don’t want to talk to you right now.”
“Then just listen.. Yesterday my probation officer called me to check in when she found out about you she wasn’t really to thrilled. She said it just wasn’t the time.. that it was too soon for me to be with a pregnant girl. The courts wouldn’t see it as a good thing.”
“Why does it matter, It’s been over a year.”
“I know, I know.. “
“So are you trying to tell me something, cause if you are, tell me now so I stop wasting my time.”
He didn’t say anything and that was enough of an answer for me. I nodded at him and walked away. I don’t know who I was more upset at, his probation officer or him for biting into it. Yeah, it hurt but I don’t have time to put myself or Joseph through any drama. I guess I’m just going to have to understand that there will always be disappointments in life and there’s no stopping them. But I have something much, much bigger to look forward to now. I rubbed my belly as I walked into class.
When the bell rang for lunch, I wanted to get out of class as fast as possible. Belle had went home early so I was by myself. I didn’t mind too much right now. I just wanted to be alone with my thoughts.
I put my headphones in and decided to go into the library instead of the lunchroom. I turned the corner from my class and ran right into Khelo.
“There you are.”
“Here I go” I tried to walk away be he stopped me.”What Khelo?”
“I wasn’t trying to say I didn’t want to be with you Lizzy, because I do.. I just thought I was over all of this bullshit and now it’s all coming back. Like I’m some monster who should never be with someone, let alone someone with a kid on the way.”
“Well I don’t think you’re a monster, okay? And you have to learn to ignore what other people say. Look at me.. I’m walking around here with a big belly and I don’t care what anyone says about me.”
“Lizzy, you don’t understand. I killed my girlfriend and my son because I made a stupid decision to get drunk and drive. That shit will never leave my conscience. It’s always gonna haunt me where ever I go.”
I cupped his face in my hands.
“Khe, what really matters is what’s inside, the person you are now- not the person you were that day. Because these past six months wasn’t with the monster you keep trying to call yourself. These past six months were with someone who stayed by my side through morning sickness, sleepless nights, doctor appointments, late night cravings, my moods, everything. If you’re a monster for anything, it’s for spoiling me. Okay? I don’t care what those people think. I know that I care for you way too much to even consider hearing what they have to say.”
I kissed him and pulled him into a hug. He hugged onto me tight. Even my big belly wasn’t a match for that hug. I really hated that he cared so much about what others thought.
We stayed hugged up for awhile. It felt nice to really care about someone and not have to hide it, not have to sneak around and be in the dark. I loved having him by my side and holding his hand in the hallway. I know it sounds cheesy or whatever but it’s the truth. It felt good to be in a relationship that was genuinely good. He’s not my mr. right now, he’s my mr. in it for the long haul. Nothing was changing that.
I was having really bad stomach pains after lunch so my dad said I could go home early. Before Khelo took me home, I went to my last two classes to get the make up work I’d be missing.
“Babe I got to take a piss. I’ll be right back.”
I nodded at him as I looked over all the homework I had just picked up. I leaned up against the lockers across the hall from the bathroom so I could put the homework back into my folder. I looked up from my backpack for a second and was shocked- so shocked that I dropped all the papers.
“Baby, you miss me?”
He stepped forward a little and laid his hand on my belly.
“Wow. You got big..”
I honestly really couldn’t believe what I was seeing right now. He looked so different thought. He was scruffy looking. He looked so much older. For some reason I felt really threatened by him.
“What are you doing here?”
“They let me out.. I’m finally out. Five months in there. It feels so good to be out.”
He stepped closer to me and I tried to back up but all I did was back up into a wall of lockers. I winced a little.
“Baby you okay?”
“Stop calling me that..” I whispered.
I was really hoping Khelo would hurry up. I heard laughing and I looked around Rodney and saw Khelo walking out of the bathroom talking to some guy.
“Aight, I’ll catch you later Matty… Lizzy.. Everything okay?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Yeah we’re fine here bro” Rodney answered casually.
I nodded my head no.
“Baby will you help me pick this up.”
“Yeah” They both answered at the same time. Khelo chuckled when Rodney looked at him confused. He pushed past him and helped me pick up my homework. I stuffed it in my folder and he grabbed my backpack.
Rodney looked so confused. It’s like he forgot we broke up long before he got locked up.
“Lizzy what’s going on?”
“Rodney, what are you confused about? We broke up a long time before you got locked up. Remember Brooke?”
“But that’s my baby” He said pointing at my belly.
“Na. That’s my baby” Khelo said grabbing my hand. “Let’s go babe.”
“The fuck did you say?”
Khelo chuckled and clenched his jaw a little.
“You ain’t been there through the morning sickness, the appointments, not shit. What’s she having? What’s she naming it?”
“Yeah, aight. You been there through all that and you know the answers.. but you sure you can handle this? You sure you ain’t gone kill them too?”
I could only imagine how mad he was because I was steaming. If I didn’t have this big belly right now I would have jumped on him. I saw Khelo tightening his fists.
“Khe, no.” I grabbed onto his arm. “Baby let’s go”
“Lizzy..” Rodney said quietly as we started to walk away.
“What?” I snapped.
“What are the answers to the questions..”
I was not expecting all of that and if I thought my stomach was hurting then, it was really hurting now.
I know what I said to him was fucked, but that little nigga took it way to far. I can’t afford all that drama right now and neither can Lizzy. But what I said, I meant it. That baby was mine in my heart. I been there through it all this far, and I ain’t going no where. I’m gone be the one in the delivery room, not him.
What Lizzy told me though, really meant a lot. I always thought she’d let what everyone else said about me get to her. Turns out I was letting shit get to me when I had nothing to worry about. She’s my rida. Ain’t nothing gonna change that.
“You want something to eat?”
“No. My stomach is really upset.”
“Aight. We almost home.”
“Did you mean that.. do you really feel like this baby is yours”
“Yeah. I do.”
“I wish it was yours. Then that idiot wouldn’t still be trying to push his way into my life.”
“You ain’t even got to worry about him. I think he understands.”
“So, if he’s out, do you think they let Drew out, too?”
“Maybe.. Guess there’s only way to find out..”
She nodded and sighed. I mean, this girl had never really lived a normal life. Her dad was one of the biggest dealers around, her ma died when she was a baby, she got knocked up young. But, I’m not one to judge. I got a past, too.
“You staying over tonight?” She asked leaning over to rest on me.
“Yeah. I got an appointment though. So I’mma drop you off and go. But I’ll be back.”
“Oh. What’s the appointment for?”
“My P.O. She wants to talk.” I shrugged. “I’m tired of talking to her.”
“I bet. Just remember what I said Khe.” She said poking my sides making me jump.
“Aye crazy. You trying to get into an accident?” I asked laughing.
She just smiled at me. We pulled up to her house and I pulled over to let her out.
“Bye babe. I’ll be back soon.”
She kissed me and hopped out.
When I got to the office, I walked in and sat down.
“Khelo. You’re late.”
“Yeah. Look I got a lot to do.. So..”
“Fine. I’ll get right to it. You need to stop seeing this girl. It’s not looking good.”
“I don’t care. I’m not going to stop seeing her. You act like I’m some monster. I made one bad decision Karen. One. That doesn’t mean I’m going to make it wit every relationship. I’m finally happy. Finally. Why you trying to mess that up!”
“Yes. You are.”
“It’s her parents.. Not me.”
“Why do they even care!”
“Because you killed her daughter.”
I was done with the conversation when she said that. Done. I got up and left the office. For real? Why do her parents get to bust in my life and wreck shit? I was almost out to my car when Karen called after me. I turned around.
“You have another meeting next week.. with them. They want to take you to court.”
I rolled my eyes and kept walking. Was it bad things happen to me day? All I want is to go home and lay with Lizzy.
“Babe. I don’t get this!” She spat throwing her pencil.
I picked up her pencil and laid it back on the table.
“You’re not even trying babe.”
She folded her arms across her chest and pouted.
“Can we go watch t.v now?”
“No. Your math is almost done. Come on. Six more problems.”
“I can’t do this. I’m too stupid.”
“You’re far from stupid Lizzy.”
“Yeah, that’s why I’m almost seven months pregnant at fifteen and can’t even do simple math.”
“You aren’t stupid Lizzy. What is stupid is that you would even consider yourself to be stupid. Yeah, you got a baby on the way, so what. You made one mistake, that don’t mean you’re stupid, it means you’re human.”
“I just can’t help but to think how different my life would be if I never ended up pregnant.”
“You’re gonna be a great mom. Don’t even worry about that. Babies are like a little miracle. It’s crazy how much love you feel for something so small.”
She cracked a little smile and rubbed her belly.
“I guess I’m a little scared and all this home work is really stressing me out..”
“Ain’t nothing to be scared about. Just think about how it’ll be worth it all just to hold him for the first time. His first step, first words”
“What was your sons first word?”
I always hated talking about Joseph. It killed me inside. It ate me up everyday to know he’ll never grow up and live his own life because I made a mistake.. But I guess the advice I gave her is probably some I should take for myself. I walk around everyday hating the person I am, feeling like such a monster when I made one mistake.. Yeah, it was a huge mistake, but that don’t make me a terrible person. Just like her ending up pregnant doesn’t make her a stupid person.
I guess she could tell that I was really in my thoughts cause she scooted closer and hugged onto my side.
“Yeah, I’m alright.. just thinking”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to..”
“No, no. It’s good to talk about him. I shouldn’t lock him away in the back of my mind. It’s hard though.”
“Well, I think you were a great dad. And I think you’re going to be great with this little one, too” She said patting her belly.
She yawned stretched.
“How you tired babe? You ain’t did shit all day!”
She flipped me of and I winked at her.
“Whatever” she laughed .
A few minutes later her dad and Gabbi walked in.
“Hey Bitty. What’s going on lil man.”
“Not much. Making her do some homework.”
Lizzy sucked her teeth at me.
“Where were you guys Daddy?” she asked sneaking her stuff into her bag.
“Big Paul’s. He had a little party.”
I know she didn’t think I saw here but I saw Lizzy slowly sneaking away from the table.
“Hey where you going!” I asked getting up and rushing after her. I ended up catching her in the living room.
“Khe, please. I don’t wanna do no more tonight.”
“Fine. Don’t think I’mma forget about it. We gone finish it tomorrow.”
“Fine” I mimicked her . She flipped me off again. ” Like I said, don’t tease me” She stuck her tongue out at me and walked back into the kitchen. I followed with her. She stopped in her tracks. We had almost walked in on her dad and Gabbi arguing about something.
“Ty you really acting stupid right now! How are you gonna sit here and tell me you didn’t know about this?”
“Gab, I’m fucking serious right now. I was blind-sighted by all this tonight. You think I’m just gone hide this ?”
“Well, I don’t really know. Would you?”
“No Gabbi! Fuck!”
I started to talk but Lizzy sh’d me. She sh’d me too loud I guess cause Her dad and Gabbi looked over at us.
“Uh, Lizzy, I think I should be going..”
She grabbed my hand.
“No, Khelo, you don’t have to leave for the night, but would you run to the store for me?” Her dad asked.
I nodded my head yes. He handed me a 20 and a list. I kissed Lizzy and headed out. I wasn’t sure what kind of drama was going on but I was sure that I didn’t want to get caught in the middle of all that..
How is this happening right now? How? I thought when I got out of the game I was getting rid of all this drama. I guess not.
Earlier after we went to Paul’s, we decided to get a drink so we went to a little restaurant . We were a few drinks is when some girl came up to me. She tapped me on the shoulder.
“Wow. Ty, I never thought I’d get to see you again.”
“Uh, who are you?”
I racked my brain trying to think. The name sounded familiar, but I just wasn’t able to place her.
“Yeah. It was about eleven years ago. You told me your wife had died a few years back.. I was the first girl you’d been with since her.”
It came flooding back. I was at the bar, pretty drunk and just needed someone to talk to. She caught my eye and we ended hooking up. I never saw her after that.
“Yeah, okay. I remember you now. Can I help you”
She turned around and signaled for someone to come over to her. A young boy trotted up.e was a cute little kid.
“Ty, this is Ricky. Your son.”
My heart dropped and the air completely left my body. I wasn’t sure what to do. What was I supposed to do?
“What?” Me and Gabbi said at the same time.
“Yeah. You want a test, we’ll get one.”
“Yeah. I do.”
I gave her my number and told her to call me. I had to get out of there.
Now, here I am at home and Gabbi don’t believe me that I didn’t know about him..
I don’t know if I should tell Bitty. I know it’s the right thing to do, but I don’t know if I’m up for all this drama right now..
“Dad, what’s going on?” Bitty asked coming up behind me.
“Uh, Bitty sit down..”
She sat at the table with me and gave me a confused look.
“Bitty, a few years after your ma passed, I had a night with some girl, well tonight she saw me and told me her son was mine. He’s eleven years old, his name is Ricky..”
She didn’t seem to mad, or shocked.. excited actually.
“Really? Can I meet him?”
“You’re not mad?”
“No, things happen, daddy.” She said rubbing her belly. “Look at me..”
“Yeah, you right..”
“Well, if you want me to meet him, I don’t mind. Are you and Gab okay though?”
“We’ll be okay.. She just doesn’t believe that I didn’t know about him.”
“I believe you, daddy.”
I don’t know what I was going to do about all this.. But, I know I have to do something.. She’s gone call soon..